Author’s Note: Before I begin, I feel it is my duty as a writer to let you know that these words will not be as well-organized as usual. These are my thoughts and they are messy. I will not explain and spell out everything. My hope and goal is to engage your heart with raw thought and emotion. If you know me, consider this an invitation to have some face-to-face discussion with me.
Can I keep it real with y’all? I’ve been in a dark place for a couple months now. I have been smiling and laughing and acting free, but beneath it all is a layer of darkness. Call it depression, confusion, anxiety, or whatever, but there is a disturbance in my soul. It’s the reason why I’ve been finding it difficult to publish anything lately. It’s been difficult to write clearly lately.
I’ve been presented with reasons to question much of what I’ve considered to be part of my identity as a Christian. The more I have learned about the history of the United States and how Christianity has been transformed to fit a more comfortable westernized way of life, the more I feel cloaked in colonialism. No, not cloaked, trapped in a societal “normalcy” veiled in westernized evangelicalism.
This has made me see people around me differently. The people I once felt comfortable around now make me feel uncomfortable.